Let's Talk - friend breakups

I haven't done a Let's Talk in awhile because I like to take my time writing the posts. I never do them flippantly, but I'm kind of in a rush so this one may be historically brief. Today's topic is platonic friend breakups. Personally, I feel like I'm in a transition with many of my friendships and I have been for awhile. Like years. One of the major factors is that whatever life stage I'm in happens to be different than theirs. Not one friend of mine is pregnant or trying right now, not that I know of. They're either married longer than me or not even dating. I find that distance is a factor as well. Sure friendships can withstand travel, esp since we have social media and Skype. However, I find that -- even for my friend that lives across the freeway from me -- our schedules and routines just don't match. One remedy I have is to see movies with friends that live close by or try to meet for lunch. The movie date is good because I can see a movie that I want to see, and meet up with the friend. The downside is if we only see the movie and don't really have time to spend talking before or after. But what about the friend that I seem to have nothing in common with anymore? Do I break up with her?

I recently spoke w/someone I considered to be a very close friend. We worked together for about 5 years and stayed in touch after I moved away. Our friendship separation began when I met G Money. She couldn't believe that I -- the party girl --Met Someone & would probably be getting married before her. We've managed to stay mostly connected as we've gone thru different stages in our lives. Again, never the same stage at the same time. I will leave out a lot of details, but share this. One thing that started to bother me was that she was still in touch with a couple of people that I was no longer friends with. Which is fine, however, I noticed that she kept telling me about their lives. I didn't think that was cool. I don't need to know that X is having sex with X. It's been years, but if recollect serves, I think she came back to me with something one or two one of them said about me. Something in the way of yet another person surprised that the party girl (moi) settled down. I told her I didn't really want to hear about these people, so she toned down what she shared. Sometimes I would reiterate that I didn't want to hear about them and sometimes I just glossed over those mentions. Flash forward to recent conversations. She has told me some very personal information about a number of her friends. It bothered me quite a bit and this time I shared that sentiment with G Money. He interrupted me to remark on her lack of respect for others. I piggybacked that she's immature, on top of it. I do believe that's a factor. Then I wondered aloud, why am I still friends with her? What purpose does she serve in my life? Does someone need to have a "purpose" to be in my life? It's nice to have friends that have watched me grow and, hopefully, to remind me of how far I've come. It's another thing to have a friend that tells all your business. I ain't stupid. Of course if I know the run down of all of her closest friends' lives, of course they know things about me that I've told her. I haven't shared any super personal things with her since I've been married. Well, of course she knows some things. I haven't told her anything I wouldn't mind being repeated. That said, blog readers definitely know more about what's been going on with me in the past couple of years. I've shared things with her about my family, but not so much about me or my marriage. I don't know what to do. I don't really have to do anything. I can just let the relationship fade away as many do. Or I could tell her why I think our friendship should end. I'm sure I've had a falling out with a friend or two that ended in confrontation. This is a little different. I couldn't specifically cite anything she's done to me to call her out on.

I've read a good number of relationship books, but never a book on female friendship:

* Best Friends: The Pleasures and Perils of Girls' and Women's Friendships

* The Twisted Sisterhood: Unraveling the Dark Legacy of Female Friendships - Now if that isn't a dramatic title...

* What Did I Do Wrong?: When Women Don't Tell Each Other the Friendship is Over

That last title is interesting. I fell out of touch w/my cousin a couple years ago. I wanted to get around to calling her to talk about my feelings. It never happened because I didn't find the time and I also didn't find the words to tell her how I felt. I couldn't even explain it myself. There wasn't anything she'd specifically done. Just certain things I was tired of. She was going thru a tough time, so I decided to not add to the problems and just stopped calling her. I figured we'd eventually talk again, being related and all. I'm lucky everything has worked out that we can be in touch. You never know if you get tomorrow. She finally left a voicemail message saying that she didn't know what she had done. I thought it was out of character, which was a good thing. And I really commended her for the message. She was right. I hadn't told her my side of things and, therefore, never gave her an opportunity to make it right or let her know if there was even a wrong to be righted. While we're on topic, there's another friend that I stopped being in touch with last year. In that case there were a couple of issues, but the main one was trust. I know lots about her friends' lives, too. Most of them I haven't met. A couple I have. The kicker is that I'm sure they know a ton about me. I don't like that. How do you ask someone to stop talking about what they want to talk about? I think on some level it's natural to talk about one friend to another. However, there is a time where it crosses the line to gossip and that's what I don't like. There has to be limits. I feel that I would be getting on a high horse all of a sudden to say, hey, this is gossip!, when all along I've been listening to these stories. I figured it was harmless because I wasn't repeating them to anyone, not even my husband. It bothered me when it started to slowly click that me knowing about all these people meant that they knew my business as well.

Have you ever broken up with a friend? I'm not asking advice in my situation. I'm curious about your thoughts on female friendships, in general. Have you noticed major changes in yours? How do you feel about their general health -- are you happy with the number of friends you have & quality? If there are issues, do you deliberately end the relationship? Or, do you let the friend simply fade away?

What say you?

♥
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Ok, not historically brief after all. Once I get started... *lol*